White coat. Heels.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
