Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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