I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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