I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
