Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
