No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am one with the molecules
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
