I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
