I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
