Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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