I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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