need another drink. this is the easiest way
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
