this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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