the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
