I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
