youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
