The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
