There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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