everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
