Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
