A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize