Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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