dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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