Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
