im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
