He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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