Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
