hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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