i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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