just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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