this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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