I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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