I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just forgot I was standing up.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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