HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
