omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
