I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
