3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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