Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
how drunk are you?
Several
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