I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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