I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
