We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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