i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
