Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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