Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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