tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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