the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
