Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A bitchslap is in order.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize