guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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