my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
