tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
