If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
