Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
