I just saw a hot homeless man
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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