For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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