I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
