My hand turned me down
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
