just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
