i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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