Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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