I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
