I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
