i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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