Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize