I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
