Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
